Welcome to the Slow Life LIVE FROM CARDIFF

THIS IS A SLOW BLOG. It is updated when I have something to say, rather than trying to say something just to update the blog. Learn more about Slow Blogging here. Since this is a Slow Blog, may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here (to learn more about RSS click here for an FAQ).

As promised to all of those that wanted to attend my talk last Saturday (31st October) at the Vision for Living Festival in Cardiff, but couldn’t make it (and for those that attended and want to hear it again!), the audio is now available as a SlowCast.

This is the first podcast for a long time! I will discuss SlowCasting in more details in a future entry or podcast…

Click here to go to my podcast site, or click here to subscribe via iTunes.

Matt

This is a Slow Blog

THIS IS A SLOW BLOG. It is updated when I have something to say, rather than trying to say something just to update the blog. Learn more about Slow Blogging here. Since this is a Slow Blog, may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here (to learn more about RSS click here for an FAQ).

This is a Slow Blog

Slow Blogging applies the slow philosophy to the blogosphere. It eschews the current blogging paradigm of “faster equals better” and that posting blog entries frequently is necessary, or in fact, that posting frequently is the “right way” to blog. This blog “happens when it happens” and will be updated as and when I have something I think is really worth sharing, rather than just writing something to get an entry in (often just to keep the search engines happy!). Which means you may get an entry a week, a month, or even several a day, depending on what I have to say and what I am up to.

Because this is a slow blog and by its very nature not updated regularly (I aim for once a week, often I miss), may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here. If you are new to blogging and RSS and not sure what all that means, click here for an FAQ.

A Slow Blogging Manifesto

Inspired by Todd Sieling, below is my Slow Blogging Manifesto (this is only a first draft and may, or will, change). To read Todd’s own manifesto click here (and I can’t help but have some of my manifesto very similar to some of his, one I have quoted directly, as I cannot say it better myself…).

1. Slow bloggers blog for people, not search engines, page ranks or technorati authority.

2. “Slow Blogging is a rejection of immediacy. It is an affirmation that not all things worth reading are written quickly, and that many thoughts are best served after being fully baked and worded in an even temperament.”  Todd Sieling

3. It is a willingness to keep quiet whilst all other bloggers are shouting “listen to me, listen to me!” It is about not trying to be the loudest voice out there.

4. Slow Blogging is not about chasing the news or Google hot trends just for a few hits. It is about not sprinting to a response or reacting to this rush of information in our world of 24 hour rolling news. The world is moving fast and trying to keep up means often that you sacrifice quality for speed. Slow blogging looks at the bigger picture not at micro-trends.

5. Slow Blogging concentrates on one thing at a time.

6. Slow Blogging is about substance to posts, not just banal clichés and one-line sound bites that sound good but are ultimately vacuous. Think. Study. Consider. Write. Then post.

7. The posts won’t rush to get to the point; they will take you on a journey. Some entries may be rambling and long winded (that is, in fact, a good thing. James Joyce didn’t rush Ulysses…).

8. Slow Blogging re-establishes technology as the agent of human expression, rather than technology as the master of human expression. It is about reclaiming the internet and creating an island of calm reflection and consideration in this stormy ocean of information…

To learn more about other slow bloggers, follow the links below:

Todd Sieling: www.toddsieling.com/slowblog

NY Times:  Blogging at a Snails Pace:

Barbara Ganley www.bgblogging.com

Russell Davies’ Dawdlr blog:  dawdlr.tumblr.com

A “Slow Blog” Or Rather, A “Bright Blog” Manifesto

SlowBlogs @ Blogspot slowblogs.blogspot.com

The Guardian: The bloggers who take it one post at a time

Learn to Let Go

Firstly, sorry this post is late, today I had to pop out first thing to do some chores. I was only meant to be out for about an hour, but one thing led to another, then another and before I knew it, the whole day had been taken up.

As it went on I found myself getting more and more agitated, frustrated and impatient…

Slowing down is about letting go. Letting go of want, of stuff, of frustration, anger and grudges and “I deserve”…

To really slow down you have to learn to let go. There are lots of ways of doing this, but one I have found very powerful (but a bit weird, so bear with me) was taught to me by an old hippy friend of mine (explains why it is a bit weird).

It is very straightforward and you can do it anytime anyway without looking odd (with a bit of practice), but I recommend you do it by yourself until you get the hang of it.

The way you do it is this: When you find yourself in a place of frustration, anger, blame, craving or agitation or whatever mental state you want to let go of. Tense your fist (whichever one feels right) squeeze it really tight and as you tense your fist, image all that pent-up mental state channelling from wherever you are feeling it in your body right now, down your arm into the fist, keep tensing your fist and image all that pent-up emotion in the centre of your palm. Once you have got it all in there (whenever feels right, could be seconds, could be a couple of minutes!) take a deep breath in and as you breath out gently relax your fist and imagine all that pent-up emotion being released and just floating off into the air…

You will feel better I promise (told you it was a bit odd, but I was taught it by a hippy so there you go…)

Have a good weekend!
Matt

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10 Ways You Can Slow Down This Weekend

1. Stop and look around.

Just take 5 minutes to stop and “smell the roses”, look around, stare out of the window, just remind yourself this is your life and it is happening NOW!

2. Relax!

Because that is what is all about isn’t it? The more relaxed you are the more energy you will have and the more focused, creative and flexible you will be (in mind and body). For more details about how to relax,  get my “Deep Relaxation Primer” audio.

3. Go for a walk.

Walking is a perfect is exercise, it gets you out in the fresh air, it gets the blood pumping and fresh air in the lungs! Whilst you are out, practice “commentary walking” to help keep you mindful. It is a technique I ironically learned from a guy in the Special Forces (they use it to keep themselves alert). And it works (obviously!) by running a commentary in your head (I don’t recommend you talk  out loud, you may get some odd looks) of what is going on around you. Use all 5 of your senses; say what you can see, hear, feel (both physically and emotionally), smell and taste (but be careful of inappropriate licking, you may get in trouble).

4. Limit yourself  – Do just one thing at a time.

The world’s greatest achievements were made by people who gave the task in front of them their undivided attention. Make a list of everything you would like to do this weekend. The priorities it and pick the top 5 for each day ( recommend applying the Pareto Principle). Stick to them. When they are done, you can choose if you want to carry on doing things or just relax.

5. Do something you really want to do but have been putting off.

At the top of the list, put something you want to do on there, not something you think you SHOULD do. We often put of the things we want to do because we convince ourselves there are things we should do instead. But do you really NEED to do it? Right now? Truthfully, we don’t HAVE to do anything. You can walk away from any task, at any time. Try replacing every “have to” with a “want to” and see if the statement still holds. Is it something that you’ll look back on when you’re in your deathbed and be happy you did?!

6. Do it deliberately.

Whatever you do, focus on that one task. Whether it is cleaning your teeth or cooking your dinner. Be focused and present in the NOW. After all, that is all we have.

7. Focus on what you have got, not what you want.

By yearning, craving and coveting what we don’t have it just causes stress and worry and disappointment and we miss all the good things we have.

8. Tidy a shelf/cupboard/draw.

Mess and untidiness is anathema to the idler. It causes stress, confusion and fluster. Start the process of tidying up and simplifying your life by tidying up a shelf or a draw. Don’t try and do too much, you will just get frustrated and give up. Instead, put half an hour aside to tidy something. When it is done, step back and be proud of what you have done. Then go and have  a cup of tea.

9. Go out with friends or have an impromptu party/BBQ or sit down with family and have a meal together.

Slow is about socialising. Make the effort to catch up with friends or family this weekend. Twist their arm to come out and have fun. They know they want to… Or sit down with the family and have a proper dinner, invite your mother, father, brother, sister cousin, kids, whoever over for Sunday lunch!

10.  Finally ENJOY IT!

Do what you want! Because it is your life and you can do what you like. Smile, laugh and be jolly. It is good for you and good for the world.

Have a good weekend
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The Buddha As the First Psychotherapist?

As John Naish so eloquently put in his excellent book “Enough: Breaking Free from the World of More”. Human beings are designed to want, to crave to covet. For good or ill, it is what has got us to where we are today. It has worked very well as a survival strategy and without it, the human race would probably have become extinct by now.

He even posits that the human race should not be called “homo sapien” (thinking or wise man), but “homo expetens” (wanting man).

However, we have now got to a point where those natural cravings have become a hindrance to our development (both socially and evolutionarily) and we need to get beyond them so that we can continue to develop and evolve…

I have been involved in Buddhism since I was about 19. I was sort of aware of it from an early age, when I took up martial arts at the age of 12, but that was really just the draw of a far off and distant land (the mythic “east”) and the iconography and aesthetics of it all.

But I remember when I real became interested in Buddhism was when I was sat in a bar in Cheltenham, I was a little bit drunk and rambling on to this bloke I had just been introduced to about how I thought the majority of problems people have is because they were always wanting more and more things and if they were just appreciated what they had got then the world would be a much better place and we would all be happier (see I was even “Slow” back then…). He interrupted me to ask me “How long have you been interested in Buddhism?”, I had no idea what he was talking about and asked him what he meant, he said I had almost, word for word quoted the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths:

  1. Life is suffering.
  2. The origin of suffering is craving (or attachment to things).
  3. The cessation of suffering is attainable by relinquishing cravings.
  4. We can follow the path to the cessation of suffering.

Turns out this guy was an ex-Buddhist monk and he introduced me to Buddhism, recommended books, and groups and events where I could learn more (I feel a bit guilty, as I can’t even remember his name!).

I studied Buddhism through my early 20’s, getting involved with varies groups including The “Friends of the Western Buddhist Order” (FWBO) and “Sanbo Kyodan Zen”, but around 2004 I found myself getting more and more distracted by the world of more, until I peaked in 2007 and found myself the craving, striving, stressed “success coach” that I had become.

What has this potted history of my relationship and involvement in Buddhism have to do with Slow or John Naish?

Well, over the years studying the Buddha’s teachings and methods I starting to formulate the idea that Buddhism was not really a religion but a process of therapy and the Buddha was in fact the first “psychotherapist”! His teachings helped you undo our natural propensity to want and crave and evolve beyond our instinctive urges.

I was not alone in this interpretation and notable Buddhist scholars such as Stephen Bachelor, Caroline and David Brazier, to name a few, have discussed Buddhist techniques and ideology, particularly Zen practices in a therapeutic context. Philip Kapleau has explaines:

“Bompu (or Ordinary) Zen, being free from any philosophic or religious content, is for anybody and everybody. It is a Zen practiced purely in the belief that it can improve both physical and mental health. Since it can almost certainly have no ill effects, anyone can undertake it, whatever religious beliefs they happen to hold or if they hold none at all. Bompu Zen is bound to eliminate sickness of a psychosomatic nature and to improve the health generally.”

This has finally led to Western psychologists and therapists, particularly Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jack Kornfield, Tara Brach, Joseph Goldstein, and Sharon Salzberg, to have researched and studied Buddhist practices, particularly mindfulness, and recent research supports promising mindfulness-based therapies for a number of medical and psychiatric conditions, notably chronic pain, stress, depression and substance abuse and recurrent suicidal behaviour.

The more I study, explore and develop the slow life, in particular the slow mindset (which, to me, is where it is at), the more I recognise that mindfulness is the corner stone to that mindset and the spring from where everything else comes.

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Getting Rid of Want 4: What Wouldn’t You Change?

In this final part of “getting rid of want” I just want to discuss one final idea to help you deal with cravings. To be honest, I really should have talked about this in the first blog entry of this series when I was discussing Gratitude, but I forgot all about it!

So, it is a very, very simple exercise that will take 5 minutes and I suggest you do it at the same time as you are doing your gratitude exercise.

All you do is ask yourself “If I became rich beyond my wildest dreams overnight, what WOULDN’T I change?”. Think about all the things you have in your life right now that you wouldn’t get rid of, replace or “upgrade”. I bet, when you think about it, the things you wouldn’t change are actually the things that make you the happiest and everything you would change is merely window dressing!

See you on Tuesday.
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Getting Rid of Want 3: Mindfulness

“Poverty is not the absence of goods but rather the overabundance of desire”

– Plato

Mindfulness is best described by John Kabat-Zinn as “…paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Being mindful of the present moment can reduce habituation and therefore craving.

In one study of habituation, 3 Zen practitioners were placed in a room with their eyes closed and a clicking noise was made 20 times in a row at 15 second intervals,  their brain waves monitored. When the study had been done with non-Zen Practitioners (‘ordinary’ people) their brainwave patterns showed that by the 5th click habituation had set in and the subjects no longer noticed the sound. In contrast the Zen practitioners responded to each repeated click as fully as the first.

By cultivating the Zen mindset of being open to moment as you can reduces the sense of habituation, therefore craving.

After starting to discuss mindfulness in 3 previous blogs (here, here and here) I have to admit to distracting myself and I am going to return to the subject in the very near future. If you want to learn more about you can attend my “Day of Mindfulness Seminar” or my forthcoming (if I ever get it finished) guide to mindfulness ebook. Sorry. Plug Over…

So I am not going to go into mindfulness too much here, but the good news is you do not need to become a Zen Master or run off to a Buddhist monastery (far from it, most Zen practitioners are lay people rather than monks – people with every day jobs and lives), you can cultivate mindfulness by following a few simple principles:

1) Draw Your Attention into Your Body.

Pay attention to your body, check your posture and relax any areas of tension, move your attention so that you can feel your hips and “sit” into your hips. When you move, pay attention to the movement, whether that is walking or reaching for something or whatever

2) Focus on Your Breath

Don’t try and force it or change it, just focus on it. By focusing on it you will find it will naturally slow and deepen and you will find yourself calmer and more relaxed.

3) Do Something Deliberately

Pick something you do every day, like cleaning your teeth for example, and really pay attention to it, rather than just doing it whilst daydreaming about something else…

4) Be Polite

By making the effort to be polite to the people around you (saying “please” or “thank you” for example) you are forced to be more mindful of your surrounds and slow down!

5) Be Gentle

The Taoists have a saying of only apply “4 ounces” of pressure to whatever you touch. Now, it doesn’t mean exactly 4 ounces, but means being gentle with everything you interact with, both physically and psychologically.

We will look at my final suggestion for getting rid of wanted in this mini-series tomorrow.

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Getting Rid of Want 2: Apathy

Following on from yesterday, when I talked about developing your gratitude of what you already have to reduce the craving and want for the new and shiny.

The next technique was something I have worked on and developed and uses an NLP principle known as “anchoring” (but don’t worry, I am not going to go into the details, you don’t need to know to be able to do the technique).

The way it works is to create an association to the thing you are craving using past experience. Here we go:

1) Think of something that you really, really, really, really wanted at the time, maybe it was a piece of clothing, a book, a DVD, a piece of technology (phone, etc) that, after a very short amount of time you just abandoned to gather dust on a shelf or in the wardrobe (we all have lots of those!). Think about that feeling of disinterest and apathy towards that thing that you really wanted.

2) When you feel REALLY apathetic and disinterested (say 7-8 out of 10!), gently squeeze your index finger and thumb together (on whichever hand you feel most comfortable) for a few seconds.

3) Relax, take a few seconds then squeeze your fingers together and see if that feeling of apathy towards the thing you bought. If it doesn’t bring it back as intensively as before, then repeat step 2 a few times until it does.

4) Next time you get a craving or a feeling of want for something just squeeze your finger and thumb to get that feeling of apathy back and associate it with your current craving.

This is a very simple and quick technique to undo cravings and feelings of want. It works much better than trying to rationalise or talk yourself out of the purchase for logical reasons (which often just makes you want it more – what you focus on your get remember?!)

Give it a go next time you are craving and see how you get on.

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