The 3 Keys to a Slow and Happy Life

THIS IS A SLOW BLOG. It is updated when I have something to say, rather than trying to say something just to update the blog. Learn more about Slow Blogging here. Since this is a Slow Blog, may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here (to learn more about RSS click here for an FAQ).

One of the reasons I stopped blogging so regularly was because, well, I was running out of things to say.

You see, the Slow life is the simple life is the easy life.

And, so in my quest to become slower, unflustered, uncomplicated and uncluttered, I often found that I was practicing the same things over and over again, getting a bit better each day.

This doesn’t sit too well with the blogging principle, which requires lots of content, regularly.

A lot of blogs I have seen on simple living, minimalism and related topics, are ironically complex (and repetitive) and not really simple or minimal at all! I can only assume that is to try and keep up with the current blogging paradigm of regular content, regardless of quality.

Slow being what it is, if I did a blog every day, or even every week it would soon become repetitive or I would be tempted to over complicate the issue just to give me something to write about.

This is in direct opposition of my personal philosophy of stripping everything, as much as possible, back to its bare bones, by asking the question “what absolutely has to be there?”

Why? Well I am clutter monkey, I tend towards over-complication if I am left to my own devices (I ALWAYS pack to much when I go on holiday!) and it takes a lot of disciple for me to keep things simple (it was one of the reasons I got involved in the Slow movement in the first place).

As Einstein is quoted as having said (whether he actually said it or not I don’t know): “Keep everything as simple as possible, but no simple.”

So in this spirit of simplicity, what are the 3 keys to a slow and happy life?

Well, as I said in my previous post (here), I believe that everything comes from cultivating the slow mindset or “tortoise mind”.

So these 3 keys are the keys to creating your tortoise mind. Once you cultivate them you will find yourself able to more easily embrace the slow life, the minimalist approach and simple living.

1. Mindfulness

This really is the key to slowing down. Life is only happening in the NOW, yet how often do you really pay attention to the present moment? How often are you on autopilot or thinking about what you are doing tonight or tomorrow, or lost in a memory?
How often do you get hung up on things, wave the ride of emotion; panic, fear nervousness?

Learn to embrace the now, to lose your self in the moment, to appreciate the little things:

Really focus on the food your eat and notice the explosion of flavours your often miss, the texture, the sensation, the emotions and memories it conjures up….

When in the shower, focus on the sensation of the water splashing against your skin, the smell of the shower gel…

You get the idea?

2. Gratitude

“Poverty is not the absence of goods but rather the overabundance of desire”

Plato

There is an interesting psychological phenomenon called habitation, which basically means if we see, do, or experience the same thing over and over again, we stop paying attention to it.

This process is what our modern consumer culture relies on. It makes us acutely aware of what we haven’t got and makes subtle changes to “this years model” to keep us wanting the new and exciting versions.

One of the fastest ways to overcome this process is to be consciously grateful for what we have. Every day make a list of at least 10 things you really appreciate in your life, this can be anything from the fact you have a house, to reminding yourself why you bought the car/watch/TV/whatever that your bought (it can be something really simple, basic or seemingly silly, it doesn’t matter, as long as you are grateful for it). Really feel the gratitude. You will find you will become more mindful and crave new things and experiences less and less.

3. Compassion

The final key to a slow and happy life is to be compassionate to our fellow wo/man.

This doesn’t mean being a drip or a push over, it is about recognising that everyone is doing the best with what they have got and making the best decision they can at the time according to the information and criteria they are using (no matter how stupid or annoying, or “wrong” it may seem to you) and that you have done stupid things in your past and will again in the future.

You don’t have to become an over emotional lovey, who runs round hugging everyone one, you just need to forgive people.

It really is that simple, just forgive them.

That will free yourself up of all the stress, anger and rage about things you can do nothing about. Just stop, take a deep breath, say (silently in your own head) “I forgive you” and relax. See how good that makes you feel?

Once you have got the hang of forgiving peoples wrongs (or perceived wrongs!) against you, you will find you will become more patient, mindful and often more polite (which is a very good thing).

So there we have it, the 3 simple keys to slowing down. If you just practice these 3 keys each day, you will find you will be Slower and happier in no time!

Matt

PS, I have added a merchandise and recommended reading list to the “Buy Stuff” page, go check it out.

Your Own “NOT to Do” List

THIS IS A SLOW BLOG. It is updated when I have something to say, rather than trying to say something just to update the blog. Learn more about Slow Blogging here. Since this is a Slow Blog, may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here (to learn more about RSS click here for an FAQ).

The slow life is the simple life is the easy life. Yet we often find we clutter up our lives with things we don’t want or need to do.

A way of releasing yourself from these habits is to do a “NOT to Do” list. I wrote about what it is and how you can do it in this post here. But, for your ease and convenience, I have created this pdf “NOT to Do” list for you!

You can download it and print it out and stick to your notice board/fridge/computer screen/wherever, for ease of reference.

Click on the thumbnail below to download it.

How To Do a ‘NOT To Do’ List?

As a reminder, here is how I suggest you do your list, but feel free to do it how you want.

1) Listing things you never intended to do in the first place can act as catalyst to get you going.

2) Then, begin with things that you feel you should do, never do and then beat yourself up about not doing.

3) List things you are doing now, but you are not sure why. You probably have lots of habits that have just developed over the years that no longer really have any reasonable function; you just do them because you have always done them. Not sure if it should be on the list? Put it on for a week and see if you miss it, if you last a week, leave it there for a month, if after a month you still haven’t needed to do or missed it, put it on forever.

4) Your “not to do” list is not a place to shirk responsibility, or list things you need to do. Don’t put ‘”pay my credit card bills” on the list for example!

5) Then of course, it frees up time and energy (and, often, money too) to do the things you actually want to do…

Matt

PS, If you liked this post, please bookmark it on Digg, Stumbled Upon, Twitter, etc. I would really appreciate it

Welcome to the Slow Life LIVE FROM CARDIFF

THIS IS A SLOW BLOG. It is updated when I have something to say, rather than trying to say something just to update the blog. Learn more about Slow Blogging here. Since this is a Slow Blog, may I suggest you subscribe by RSS by clicking here, or subscribe to receive email updates by clicking here (to learn more about RSS click here for an FAQ).

As promised to all of those that wanted to attend my talk last Saturday (31st October) at the Vision for Living Festival in Cardiff, but couldn’t make it (and for those that attended and want to hear it again!), the audio is now available as a SlowCast.

This is the first podcast for a long time! I will discuss SlowCasting in more details in a future entry or podcast…

Click here to go to my podcast site, or click here to subscribe via iTunes.

Matt

Vision For Living

Just a quick post to let you know that I am doing a talk entitled “Welcome to the Slow Life” at the Vision For Living Exhibition in Cardiff on the 31st October at 5:00pm. The talk itself is free and the entry to the exhibition is only £4.95 for the day.

You can learn more about Vision for Living here:

www.visionforliving.co.uk

If you are interested in attending it would be great to see you there. Please feel free to pass this on to anyone you think might also be interested.

I will be hanging around the ACT (Associated Contemporary Therapists) stand for most of the day if you want to come by and say “Hello”.

Matt

Gone Away…

I am away until the 8th September, normal service will resume then!

Matt

Saint Monday

I am celebrating Saint Monday and will be back tomorrow.

Matt

PS, I am finally getting round to (a long awaited) update of the static pages on the site. Hopefully be finished in the next few weeks and will keep you informed of my progress in the blog.

10 Ways You Can Slow Down This Weekend

1. Stop and look around.

Just take 5 minutes to stop and “smell the roses”, look around, stare out of the window, just remind yourself this is your life and it is happening NOW!

2. Relax!

Because that is what is all about isn’t it? The more relaxed you are the more energy you will have and the more focused, creative and flexible you will be (in mind and body). For more details about how to relax,  get my “Deep Relaxation Primer” audio.

3. Go for a walk.

Walking is a perfect is exercise, it gets you out in the fresh air, it gets the blood pumping and fresh air in the lungs! Whilst you are out, practice “commentary walking” to help keep you mindful. It is a technique I ironically learned from a guy in the Special Forces (they use it to keep themselves alert). And it works (obviously!) by running a commentary in your head (I don’t recommend you talk  out loud, you may get some odd looks) of what is going on around you. Use all 5 of your senses; say what you can see, hear, feel (both physically and emotionally), smell and taste (but be careful of inappropriate licking, you may get in trouble).

4. Limit yourself  – Do just one thing at a time.

The world’s greatest achievements were made by people who gave the task in front of them their undivided attention. Make a list of everything you would like to do this weekend. The priorities it and pick the top 5 for each day ( recommend applying the Pareto Principle). Stick to them. When they are done, you can choose if you want to carry on doing things or just relax.

5. Do something you really want to do but have been putting off.

At the top of the list, put something you want to do on there, not something you think you SHOULD do. We often put of the things we want to do because we convince ourselves there are things we should do instead. But do you really NEED to do it? Right now? Truthfully, we don’t HAVE to do anything. You can walk away from any task, at any time. Try replacing every “have to” with a “want to” and see if the statement still holds. Is it something that you’ll look back on when you’re in your deathbed and be happy you did?!

6. Do it deliberately.

Whatever you do, focus on that one task. Whether it is cleaning your teeth or cooking your dinner. Be focused and present in the NOW. After all, that is all we have.

7. Focus on what you have got, not what you want.

By yearning, craving and coveting what we don’t have it just causes stress and worry and disappointment and we miss all the good things we have.

8. Tidy a shelf/cupboard/draw.

Mess and untidiness is anathema to the idler. It causes stress, confusion and fluster. Start the process of tidying up and simplifying your life by tidying up a shelf or a draw. Don’t try and do too much, you will just get frustrated and give up. Instead, put half an hour aside to tidy something. When it is done, step back and be proud of what you have done. Then go and have  a cup of tea.

9. Go out with friends or have an impromptu party/BBQ or sit down with family and have a meal together.

Slow is about socialising. Make the effort to catch up with friends or family this weekend. Twist their arm to come out and have fun. They know they want to… Or sit down with the family and have a proper dinner, invite your mother, father, brother, sister cousin, kids, whoever over for Sunday lunch!

10.  Finally ENJOY IT!

Do what you want! Because it is your life and you can do what you like. Smile, laugh and be jolly. It is good for you and good for the world.

Have a good weekend
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Getting Rid of Want 4: What Wouldn’t You Change?

In this final part of “getting rid of want” I just want to discuss one final idea to help you deal with cravings. To be honest, I really should have talked about this in the first blog entry of this series when I was discussing Gratitude, but I forgot all about it!

So, it is a very, very simple exercise that will take 5 minutes and I suggest you do it at the same time as you are doing your gratitude exercise.

All you do is ask yourself “If I became rich beyond my wildest dreams overnight, what WOULDN’T I change?”. Think about all the things you have in your life right now that you wouldn’t get rid of, replace or “upgrade”. I bet, when you think about it, the things you wouldn’t change are actually the things that make you the happiest and everything you would change is merely window dressing!

See you on Tuesday.
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Your Slow Hour

The one key thing to remember about Slowing Down is to not do it too fast! You need to slow down slowly…

If you try and do too much all at once (as we have a tendency and conditioning to do in our hare-brained society) you will just become overwhelmed and end up giving up on slowing down and go back to your old fast life (it is often why we fail to make any changes in our lives; we try and do too much all at once)

It is much better to do one thing at a time to slow down and build up gradually, but one way to introduce more than one change easily is to do a daily (or weekly, or monthly depending on your timescale) Slow Hour. If you can’t do a whole hour, start with a Slow Five Minutes and build up from there.

So, what do you do in this Slow Hour? Well you introduce the key elements of slowing down such as:

1. Relax

Take a few minutes to relax and de-stress yourself, do a few relaxation exercises, for an excellent exercise try my “deep relaxation primer” audio programme.

2. Breath!

Focusing on, drawing your attention to and regulating your breathing is one of the best ways to relax, become more mindful and therefore slow down! There are dozens, if not hundreds of different breathing exercises that you can learn, I often recommend a simple full breath, counting to 7 on the in-breath and 11 on the out-breath. For more details click here listen to this SlowCast.

3. Be Mindful

Do everything you do in this hour with 100% focus and attention, pay attention and be mindful. If you find your mind wandering, just slowly draw your attention back to what you are doing. To help return your attention to the task in hand, focus on your breathing, take a few deep breaths, scan your body for tension, adjust your posture (if needed), relax and return to the task in hand.

4. Single-task

Avoid multitasking and do one thing at a time. With everything that you do in this hour, don’t allow yourself to be distracted or interrupted. Being mindful will help you to be more single-task orientated and by single tasking you will be surprised hoe much more you actually get done.

5. Do something Slow that you want to do!

Turn off the TV (unless, of course, you want to watch a classic movie) and do something slow that you have wanted to do for ages. Maybe read a book, bake bread, paint, learn to play a musical instrument…

And Finally

6. Be Gentle!

Remember the Taoist principle of “four ounces”; everything you touch you should not apply more than four ounces of pressure to it. Now, this is obviously a metaphor and doesn’t mean using exactly four ounces! It is about being gentle, both physically and psychologically. Don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself being distracted or agitated or interrupted during your slow hour. Just relax, refocus on your breathing and carry on. You will always have the next Slow Hour.

You will find, very quickly (!) that if you do this regularly for an hour a day, soon an hour wont be enough and you will want to spend two hours a day being slow, then three and you will also find you will be more spontaneously slow even when you are not “meant” to, you will find yourself being more focused, less stressed and being able to do one thing at a time rather letting your attention scatter…

Give it a go over the weekend and see how you get on!

Want to learn more? Check out the “Welcome to the Slow Life” audio programme.

I will be back on Tuesday
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Slow Seminars – Some Tortoise Training Events

I have added some seminars to run this autumn. I have done my best to make the price as fair as possible at £55 per place.

If you can’t attend don’t worry, hopefully the events will be recorded and made available on this site (for a small charge).

All seminars are taking place in Birmingham UK. If you are interested in running any events near to you and would like to organise one, please contact me to discuss it.

Welcome to the Slow Life

Date: 10th October 2009

The Slow Life is the Simple Life is the Easy life. But how do you start slowing your life down?

This day will introduce you to the slow philosophy including the key steps to help you start slowing down straight away!

Learn how, my developing your “slow” mindset you can:
•    Increase focus and concentration
•    Relax and de-tress
•    Become calm and collected
•    Focus on the things you really want to get out of life
•    Reconnect with life and appreciate the present moment
•    Sleep better
•    Become healthier and more energised
•    Get control on your spending and your finances
•    Melt away worries and concerns
•    Much, much more

Finding Time to be Slow

Date: 7th November 2009

The biggest excuse I hear for not slowing down is that “I just don’t have the time. I have FAR to much to do”.

This seminar will take you through a tried and tested process that will help you organise your tasks so that you free up your time and allow to concentrate on what you really want to do.

You will learn to stop reacting to the external environment and banish “to do” lists once and for all you allow you take control of you time and your life!

A Day of Mindfulness

Date: 21st November 2009

Slow is about savouring the minutes not counting them. But how much attention do you really pay to the present moment?

Mindfulness is originally a Buddhist concept and although mindfulness meditation techniques originated as spiritual practices, they have a long history of secular applications with teachers and authors such as Jon Kabat-Zinn introduced Buddhist mindfulness to the West.

Psychotherapists have adapted and developed mindfulness techniques into several promising cognitive behavioural therapies. Clinical research shows Buddhist mindfulness techniques can help alleviate anxiety, stress, and depression.

Present moment awareness is at the core to the Slow philosophy and in this day you will learn ways to be more mindful in your day-to-day life (without needing to spend hours contemplating your navel – unless you want to of course!)

For more details and to book, go to the training page

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