Getting Rid of Want 4: What Wouldn’t You Change?

In this final part of “getting rid of want” I just want to discuss one final idea to help you deal with cravings. To be honest, I really should have talked about this in the first blog entry of this series when I was discussing Gratitude, but I forgot all about it!

So, it is a very, very simple exercise that will take 5 minutes and I suggest you do it at the same time as you are doing your gratitude exercise.

All you do is ask yourself “If I became rich beyond my wildest dreams overnight, what WOULDN’T I change?”. Think about all the things you have in your life right now that you wouldn’t get rid of, replace or “upgrade”. I bet, when you think about it, the things you wouldn’t change are actually the things that make you the happiest and everything you would change is merely window dressing!

See you on Tuesday.
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Getting Rid of Want 3: Mindfulness

“Poverty is not the absence of goods but rather the overabundance of desire”

– Plato

Mindfulness is best described by John Kabat-Zinn as “…paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Being mindful of the present moment can reduce habituation and therefore craving.

In one study of habituation, 3 Zen practitioners were placed in a room with their eyes closed and a clicking noise was made 20 times in a row at 15 second intervals,  their brain waves monitored. When the study had been done with non-Zen Practitioners (‘ordinary’ people) their brainwave patterns showed that by the 5th click habituation had set in and the subjects no longer noticed the sound. In contrast the Zen practitioners responded to each repeated click as fully as the first.

By cultivating the Zen mindset of being open to moment as you can reduces the sense of habituation, therefore craving.

After starting to discuss mindfulness in 3 previous blogs (here, here and here) I have to admit to distracting myself and I am going to return to the subject in the very near future. If you want to learn more about you can attend my “Day of Mindfulness Seminar” or my forthcoming (if I ever get it finished) guide to mindfulness ebook. Sorry. Plug Over…

So I am not going to go into mindfulness too much here, but the good news is you do not need to become a Zen Master or run off to a Buddhist monastery (far from it, most Zen practitioners are lay people rather than monks – people with every day jobs and lives), you can cultivate mindfulness by following a few simple principles:

1) Draw Your Attention into Your Body.

Pay attention to your body, check your posture and relax any areas of tension, move your attention so that you can feel your hips and “sit” into your hips. When you move, pay attention to the movement, whether that is walking or reaching for something or whatever

2) Focus on Your Breath

Don’t try and force it or change it, just focus on it. By focusing on it you will find it will naturally slow and deepen and you will find yourself calmer and more relaxed.

3) Do Something Deliberately

Pick something you do every day, like cleaning your teeth for example, and really pay attention to it, rather than just doing it whilst daydreaming about something else…

4) Be Polite

By making the effort to be polite to the people around you (saying “please” or “thank you” for example) you are forced to be more mindful of your surrounds and slow down!

5) Be Gentle

The Taoists have a saying of only apply “4 ounces” of pressure to whatever you touch. Now, it doesn’t mean exactly 4 ounces, but means being gentle with everything you interact with, both physically and psychologically.

We will look at my final suggestion for getting rid of wanted in this mini-series tomorrow.

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Getting Rid of Want 2: Apathy

Following on from yesterday, when I talked about developing your gratitude of what you already have to reduce the craving and want for the new and shiny.

The next technique was something I have worked on and developed and uses an NLP principle known as “anchoring” (but don’t worry, I am not going to go into the details, you don’t need to know to be able to do the technique).

The way it works is to create an association to the thing you are craving using past experience. Here we go:

1) Think of something that you really, really, really, really wanted at the time, maybe it was a piece of clothing, a book, a DVD, a piece of technology (phone, etc) that, after a very short amount of time you just abandoned to gather dust on a shelf or in the wardrobe (we all have lots of those!). Think about that feeling of disinterest and apathy towards that thing that you really wanted.

2) When you feel REALLY apathetic and disinterested (say 7-8 out of 10!), gently squeeze your index finger and thumb together (on whichever hand you feel most comfortable) for a few seconds.

3) Relax, take a few seconds then squeeze your fingers together and see if that feeling of apathy towards the thing you bought. If it doesn’t bring it back as intensively as before, then repeat step 2 a few times until it does.

4) Next time you get a craving or a feeling of want for something just squeeze your finger and thumb to get that feeling of apathy back and associate it with your current craving.

This is a very simple and quick technique to undo cravings and feelings of want. It works much better than trying to rationalise or talk yourself out of the purchase for logical reasons (which often just makes you want it more – what you focus on your get remember?!)

Give it a go next time you are craving and see how you get on.

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Getting Rid of Want 1: Gratitude

SchumacherSiB200“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius – and a lot of courage – to move in the opposite direction.”

- E. F. Schumacher (Economist, founder and exponent of “Buddhist Economics”)

Slowing down is a constant journey of discovery. This blog is as much a record of that journey as it as a place to offer advice, hints and strategies for how you can Slow Down.

The one thing I discovered about myself and the one thing I have been struggling to break is that I was a very “grass is greener” thinker. I was a marketers dream! As soon as I had something I would yearn for something new or something better! I always had the feeling that I was missing out on something and if I had “just one more thing” I would finally be happy.

Of course that never happens and all you do is want more and more. I know I am not alone! In fact that is typical of our high speed hare-brained society (and what our consumerist economy is based on – see my minor rant about toasters!). How far I had been distracted from my Buddhist studies in my early 20’s!!

So, how do you break that cycle of wanting and craving for something bigger, better, newer, faster?

Well first we have to understand why we crave those things:

Habituation

A sneaky trick of our nervous system (that dates back to cave(wo)man days) is something called habituation. Basically, the way this works is that we stop consciously paying attention to, or ‘habituate’ repeated experience – what is around us everyday. But when something new turns up we pay attention to it.

This was a useful and important survival strategy. It allows the limited attention of the conscious mind to be available for spotting difference. And in cave(wo)men days difference could be a threat (or an opportunity to take advantage of).

The Reticular Activating System

Another part of our nervous system is called the “Reticular Activating System” or “RAS” for short. Its job is like the doorman of our conscious mind. It decides, from the billions (or something like that) of stimuli we are bombarded with makes it to our conscious awareness. It decides through a series of criteria, but mainly by what we deem to be “emotionally” important to us.

So, what we focus on we get more of. Ever bought a new piece of clothing or new car and suddenly seen it everywhere, even though you never noticed it before? That is because the RAS now deems it important and makes you consciously aware of it, therefore you notice it more. Make sense?

It is no wonder that consumerism has thrived, it plays on these 2 basic “cave (wo)man” parts of our nervous system! We are bombarded by very cleverly crafted adverts that tap straight into our emotional response, therefore tricking the RAS into making us pay attention to it.

And combined with the process of habituation, it makes us very aware of what we haven’t got. No wonder we crave new things all of the time!!

But the good news is that, once we are aware of them, we can control our RAS and habituation process to reduce or remove our cravings for the “next big thing”.

So how do we get around process and rewire our nervous system to stop (or reduce) habituation and get our RAS working for us and not against us?

Well, a process I discovered was, ironically, from that film “The Secret”, I am sure you know the one, the one that tells you that you can get everything you want just by thinking about it? You have to be very specific with your greed though…

Well, one of the (very few) sensible things they recommend in that film is the idea of the gratitude rock (although you don’t need a rock to do it).

All you need to do is be (consciously) grateful for what you have. Simple huh? How often are you grateful for what you have? How often do you sit down, look around and recognise how good life really is?

To start with, think of the things you take for granted. The things you really don’t think about, like the fact you have a house, you have your health (hopefully), you have food to eat. You have friends and people who care about you. The real basics. Then move onto the more “luxurious” things that you have (these are often the places we have the most craving to replace), you have access to a computer to be reading this. Which means you have access to all the knowledge that the internet has to offer.

Do it now, think of 10 things that you are grateful that you have. It can be as basic or as detailed as you want. I often spend 5 – 10 a day thinking of things I am really glad that I have got! Give it a go for a few weeks and see how much your craving and want reduces over that time.

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