Meditation Guide Now Exclusively on Kindle

Don’t Do Something, Just Sit There! A Simple Introductory Guide to Mindfulness Meditation – Now Exclusively on Kindle.

Do you want to learn to meditate but don’t know where to start?

Click here to buy now:

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.com

Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool of personal change. What seems a deceptively simple process has the potential to undo unwanted thoughts and behaviours and generate alternative ways of acting and thinking.

Mindfulness is traditionally a spiritual or religious process, but has been explored and studied by psychologist since the 1970’s and has been formalised into a number of therapeutic applications that have been shown to work with issues such as stress reduction, anxiety and depression and chronic pain.

This is a complete beginners guide and I have done my best to cover every aspect of the meditation process, simply and without fluff or padding. Including:

  • Breathing, postural and relaxation exercise.
  • How to sit in meditation to get the most benefit.
  • Warm up exercises.
  • The equipment that you need.
  • A simple (yet very powerful) mindfulness meditation.
  • How to incorporate mindfulness into your everyday life.

There is over 30 years of scientific evidence (and over 2500 years of anecdotal evidence!) that suggests that a simple practice of mindfulness meditation can:

  • Slow the effects of ageing on the brain (it makes your brain “denser”!).
  • Create razor sharp concentration
  • Reduce stress and stress related illnesses and effects.
  • Banish depression and the stranglehold of negative emotions
  • Act more appropriately, spontaneously, in any situation (and feel more confident)
  • Let go of cravings and attachments.
  • Live more in the moment, not dwelling on the past or focusing on the future.
  • Increase your sense of well being.

I firmly believe that a daily meditation routine is one of the best ways to improve your health and well being.

Why Publish it on Kindle?

Because Kindle publishing gives you the most flexible way to read the book. You don’t need to own a Kindle to, you can download the (free) Kindle reader app for your phone, tablet, or PC, including:

  • Android
  • iPhone
  • iPad
  • Windows 7 phone
  • Windows and Mac

My other ebooks will be following onto Kindle very soon.

Click here to buy now:

Amazon.co.uk

Amazon.com

Can You Help Me?

Have you purchased my mediation guide? I would really appreciate it if you could take 5 minutes to write a review on Amazon. If you do, email me and I will send you a gift to say thank you.

Have you got your own blog or website? Do you run a meditation group? Why not write a review or add it to your recommended reading list (if you do it through Amazon Affiliates to can earn commission!)?

Matt

New Year Re-Slow-lutions: Direction Not Goal

Hello and welcome to 2012. It is that time of year again where people tend to start thinking about ways they want to change their lives and setting themselves goals they want to achieve.

There are problems with this goal setting (and striving to achieve them) approach.

Most peoples goals are very poorly defined and are some vague desire in some unspecified time in the future.

With goal setting you tend to only focus on the result and ignore the process of getting there. You are focused on the future rather than the present moment. Missing all the amazing things that are going on around you.

If you don’t succeed in your goal (even if you get damn close), you have that terrible sense failure which you try and compensate for by returning to quick fixes and instant gratification.

If you do achieve a goal, you have no idea what do to next, so any gains are often short lived. It is why so many people who aim to lose a certain amount of weight pile it back on again once they get there.

It is much more likely you will get the life you want if you abandon the goal setting and achieving concept and aim for focusing you life in a particular direction.

What’s the Difference Between Goal and Direction?

The difference between direction and goals is the way you describe what you want to do. For example, wanting to lose weight is goal, wanting a fit and healthy lifestyle is a direction (that will probably mean  that you achieve the goal of weight loss).

So, when you think of the changes you want to make in your life, ask yourself “How will my life be better when I have achieved this goal/result?”, define to yourself what you lifestyle will be like and then focus on that. (it may include some goals along the way, but they are secondary to the direction and act more as “mile markers” along the way).

Remember life is a journey NOT a destination.

A Seasonal Thought

There is an irony at this time of year. Everyone talks about the “season of goodwill” but other than making a few (forced) false platitudes, sending Christmas cards and gifts (often because they think they should, or because of some selfish reason to be seen to be being generous) most people become (much more) self centred and self absorbed. This reflects in the outward behaviours of being rude, ill tempered and impatient. People push and shove and barge and harangue to get done what they think they should get done (normally, overspending on food and drink that will most probably be dumped uneaten in the New Year and just lead to increased debt).

As I watch people push and shove and rush around not getting anywhere, the thing I always think is that if everyone were just a little more compassionate, mindful and polite to each other and actually embraced the spirit of this time of year, everyone would actually get everything done much more quickly and with less stress. It is our selfish desire to get everything done quickly that stops us from actually getting it done quickly.

Slow down, go faster.

See you in 2012.

The Enoughpreneur – Slow and the Art of Running a Business

For some time I have struggled with a contradiction that I have had in my mind. I agree strongly with private enterprise, with people setting up their own business and the freedom and responsibility that creates (I think these small “cottage industries” are very “Slow”).

However, I dislike large corporate enterprise (in general, there are a few exceptions) and the lazy, wasteful, arrogant and insulting way they carry on their business. Let me give you an example of the contradiction, in Malta each local bus route was run by an individual driver, he would pay a licence for a route and supply his own bus, this created a marvellous multitude of buses in crazy and brilliant designs. Now the government for some reason (I imagine financial) has given the contract for ALL the bus routes to Arriva, not only putting all the bus drivers out of work or forcing them into the employment of Arriva, but creating a dull homogeny of buses that are (I have been informed) of worse value and service than before. How is that better?

But of course, in my original belief that I like private enterprise, I could not fault the man who, through hard work and offering better service, manages to purchase two bus routes, then employs a man to drive the second route for him. If he then bought another and another, how  does that make him any different to Arriva and their big operation?

Then it struck me, it is about knowing when to stop, when you have enough, when growing your business won’t actually give any more benefit to you, your employees (if you have any) and your customers, beyond the profit motive.

There is, in fact, a model in business and management theory (I used to be a management accountant) called Greiner’s Lifecycle Model that addresses this. It states that, in order to grow, an organisation passes through a series of identifiable phases or stages of development and crisis. Step one, or the first crisis, is “crisis of leadership” where the enterprising persons business grows to the stage where they cannot do everything themselves and they need help. This tends to correspond to the business owner having to take a step back from the day to day work and take on a more management role. So for an example, a carpenter who gets so much work needs to employ another carpenter, he (or she, I am using “he” here for simplicity not to suggest all carpenters are male!) then delegates some work to this other carpenter. As the business grows more, he has to delegate more and more and therefore ends up in a role far removed from what he was originally doing (and the reason he started the business in the first place). This may lead to “success” in the financial or traditional capitalist model, but is the carpenter happy doing paperwork? Probably not!

(If you are a management theories I know you will recognise this is a simplification of the model, but I have done so to illustrate the point of this post. It is not meant to be a discussion on the model, which would be a post in itself!)

So I now propose a new, alternative business model or category called the “Enoughpreneur”.

Why Enoughpreneur?

The title is inspired by John Naish’s excellent book “Enough” where he posits that the secret of (material) contentment is to earn close to or just above the average earning level of your country and to avoid the desire for more and social competition (for more detail on that, read Alain De Botton’s equally excellent “Status Anxiety”). I admit, avoiding or undoing your desire for social competition is in fact the hard part (but quite simple once you have a plan).

The metaphor or story that illustrates this model and the contradiction of the old idea of a successful business can be seen in this post about the business and the fisherman.

It is easy to get carried away, get over excited and seduced by the “success” of building a big business. The skill really is to recognise when to stop, when your business is successful enough (financially) to fulfil all your needs and desires. Do you need that second bus route? That other carpenter? Will it really enhance your life?

The example of Enoughpreneurship I am most aware of is Charles Martell and Son at Laurel Farm who make the Stinking Bishop Cheese. The cheese was brought to international attention by a brief but important role in the Oscar-winning film Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, in which it was used to revive Wallace from the dead. Demand for the cheese subsequently rose by 500%. Charles Martell was offered £1000’s to increase supply, but he refused. He made enough to keep him happy. He was not seduce by more. As he said “I’m quite happy with what I’ve got at the moment. I don’t need more money. I can only wear one suit at a time, or drive one car. And I certainly don’t want fame.

Are you an Enoughpreneur? I would love to hear from you, please email me your case study and I can run it in a future post.

Matt

Compassionate Misanthropy

I have, over the last few posts, been discussing the often overlooked key to a slow and happy life and that is compassion; caring for the well being of other people (and animals, plants, and everything really), to recognise that we are all interconnected.

In Alain De Botton’s excellent book “Status Anxiety” he discusses the stress and anxiety caused by worrying about what other people think of you. He offers several ways of undoing or alleviating this stress, one of them is to adopt a misanthropic attitude.

You recognise that other peoples opinions, viewpoints and conclusions are often based on limited or incorrect information and that those opinions mean nothing at all. You recognise people as the small minded and self centred beings that they often are and choose to ignore their ignorant opinions.

This may sound harsh but is, in fact, in a world where opinion is rampant and people cannot wait to express theirs (usually through the perceived safety of the internet), a sensible attitude to adopt. Otherwise you will quickly be driven crazy by people telling you that you are wrong or suggesting different ways of doing things.

Particularly if you are doing something that goes against the grain, the perceived norm (like slowing down for example!).

But how does this fit with the notion of compassion? Can you be compassionate and misanthropic? Of course you can! And I would even go as far as suggesting that a slight misanthropic viewpoint can help you become more compassion, patient and understanding.

Therefore I have recently adopted a position of “compassionate misanthropy”, which can be summed up as such:

“People are stupid. And I include myself in that generalisation”

By accepting this as a presupposition it does several positive things:

  1. It stops you from worrying about what other people think.
  2. It makes you less likely to judge as you recognise that you are just as stupid, ill informed and prone to leaping to incorrect conclusions as the next person.
  3. It makes you more patient and understanding (as your expectations of how people should act are lower).

How can you begin to be more compassionately misanthropic today?

Matt

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The Deck Chair Diaries Part 6

I have been uncharacteristically busy for an Idler.

I jest of course, I have been very busy running NLP training courses for the last six months. I don’t see it as “work” as I enjoy doing it. It is true however, that the NLP field has changed a lot in the last few years (some good, some bad) and I have been making changes to reflect this.

But now I have come to July, which, training wise, is traditionally my quiet time, but as fate would have it I have been struck down with the dreaded lergy. I have had a cold now for nearly two weeks. I haven’t been this ill for years. It began as a nice excuse to lie on the sofa watching Kung Fu movies (if I cannot practice Tai Chi, I will watch other people doing it), but now is just becoming frustrating.

In fact, through the fug of this cold and the constantly changing weather (boiling hot and sunny one day, raining heavily and freezing cold the next) I have no sense of time or place. Sure I can look at the calendar, I KNOW today is the 12th July, but I have no idea of what that means! It could be the depths of winter, spring, summer or autumn, I have no clue! It is oddly disorientating and a bit scary. It is midsummer and I am still looking out of the kitchen window at the mess of the garden thinking  that I must do something about cleaning it up “before summer comes”.

All of which seems far too much like hard work (which is silly, our garden is tiny and it would only be a couple of hours work – and pottering should be one of life’s joys), which shows the level of lethargy and exhaustion I have managed to achieve…

On cheerier news, I recently travelled to Istanbul for a nice little break. The place was amazing, but…

…we wangled an upgrade to business class, so the majority of other travellers in the lounge and on the plane were business travellers. I just couldn’t get over how none of these people seemed to appreciate what they had. They were all so serious and rude and impolite and buried in their work. They are given all these extra little luxuries and they just took them for granted (or were so preoccupied or frazzled that they didn’t even notice). I like a bit of luxury, I appreciate every second of it, yet these suits just didn’t even notice, it was utterly wasted on them. I can see how these people (and movie stars and pop stars, etc) can become so obnoxious, when they start to think this is “normal” and stop appreciating it and being grateful for it. They should all be forced to work on the checkout in Tesco and live in a one-bedroom flat for at least one month a year. That would make them appreciate it…

I will be back once I have fought of this evil germs, continuing my musings on compassion.

Matt

Simplify

As a slight interlude to the conversation we are having about compassion I just wanted to let you know about an excellent ebook I have come across recently (I haven’t done a good book review for quite awhile!):

Simplify by Rob Westwood


On the face of it, this ebook appears to be another one of those minimalist tracts, in a similar vain to Ev Bogue or Leo Babauta, but it, for me at least, is much better than that.  Rob even, rather cheekily, suggests in Chapter 27 to avoid such guides, quickly distancing himself form the other productivity/minimalist guru’s out there!

This short but beautifully presented ebook’s goal is to create “ventilation” or gaps in your life as “things are simpler when they are spaced out”. He says you can do this in several ways:

Minimising  Meta-Work. unnecessary levels of work such as meetings or form filling that waste time but don’t actually do anything productive.

Manage Information Flow. Being choosy about what to pay attention to in this flood of information.

Live More Work Less. As most people find themselves “living to work” rather than “working to live”.

These ideas are then explored in more detail in the following 50 short chapters. With advice from the obvious that you never seem to get round to (Chapter 2: Delete Your Emails); to the more profound (Chapter 14: Stop Lying); to the much more difficult (Chapter 17: Stop Competing – easier said than done); to the utterly brilliant (Chapter 43: Get a Big Fat Letterbox!). It embraces the flexibility of the ebook format to give suggested chapters at the end of each section that you can jump directly to by clicking the link.

I am not sure I could go to the extremes that Rob has here, I doubt I could live without my car or mobile phone for example, but like he says “The book is not a set of rigid guidelines. You should pick and choose exactly which pieces of advice are applicable to you.”

A cut above most minimalist guides this has a unique approach and Rob’s voice is conversational and chatty with a seam of absurdist humour. I found it a more fun and original take on the minimalist/productivity scene, and a much easier read, than some of the more preachy tomes out there that tend to just gather up and regurgitate the same old advice.

If you are a fan of simplicity and minimalism I highly recommend it.

You can get it at lulu.com here.

Matt

Compassion: The Second Keystone of a Tortoise Mind

Compassion is not very fashionable nowadays. Our hare-brained society rewards and favours (and even deifies on some occasions) the rude, the aggressive and the self centred.

Hare-brained people hide behind terms like “assertiveness” or “honesty” or “just telling it how it is”, when they are simply being rude, judgemental and self centred. They mock people who try be nice, who think the best of people, calling them “drips” or “saps”, they think acts of compassion are acts of “weakness”.

They are wrong.

Compassion, simply, is recognising that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available to them. No matter how seemingly stupid, rude or just plain wrong those actions appear.

Compassion isn’t about going round hugging everyone, agreeing with everyone or being an utter pushover. It isn’t about naively trusting people or not thinking things through and assessing situations critically.

Nor is about accepting or condoning bad, or illegal behaviour, of course you can (and should) condemn  atrocious acts.

You can also be utterly antisocial and still be compassionate.

It is about recognising we are all interconnected and our actions have ramifications we may never be aware of. It is about seeing ourselves in other people, about understanding that we are more similar than we are different. We have all made stupid choices and rash decisions and snap judgments.

Above all it is about forgiveness.

Compassion is a key tenant of the tortoise mind. Compassion comes from and helps you be slower and more mindful, better mannered, more patient and understanding. Offer to help, say “please” and “thank you”, don’t be quick to judge or snap at someone doing something you think is wrong, take a genuine interest in someones life. These are all acts of compassion.

Anger at other people is the anger with your self projected outwards. If you were at peace with yourself, accept yourself fully and completely, warts and all you would act more compassionately naturally.

Think about how different you have acted when you have been in a good mood rather than a bad mood. What was the difference in your tolerance and understanding?

This is why practicing compassion always starts with being compassionate to yourself. If you cannot be compassionate to yourself, how can you be compassionate to people around you? See yourself as someone who truly loves and accepts you. Can’t think of anyone? Imagine someone!

Like all things, compassion is it’s own reward, by being more compassionate and tolerant you will be less stressed, angry and worked up, you will feel calmer and who know how you will affect the world around you?

Do a random act of compassion today, even it is as little as saying an earnest “thank you” to someone or giving your loose change to charity…

Matt

Slow Speech

This post comes to you as part confession. I am a whining, moaning, angry bitch. Everything that comes out of my mouth is either a moan, a complaint, a rant or a criticism.

OK I may be exaggerating slightly for effect, but I have becoming frighteningly aware recently that I have become more critical and impatient with my speech and it is a trend I don’t like and intend to do something about.

I have spoken a lot about how “manners maketh the idler” and having good manners is an essential trait of the tortoise mind. It makes you act more mindfully and more compassionately.

However, you can be as polite as you like but if you are still moaning and whining then it makes no difference at all. You need to practice Slow Speech (which isn’t just talking slowly…).

The Buddhists call it Right Speech. It is part of the Noble  Eightfold Path and described In the Pali Cannon as “…and what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, and from idle chatter [gossip?]: This is called right speech…”.

As you become more mindful and aware of the interconnectivity of things you will find yourself more compassionate and that will come through it what you say. Also by practising Right Speech; being mindful of your words and how you talk and what you say, you will become more mindful and compassionate (to read more about the Buddhist, read my article in the latest New Escapologist).

Or as your grandma used to say “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say it at all”…

The Deck Chair Diaries Part 5

A day in the life…

A lot of people ask me what I get up to on a day to day basis, so I thought I would give you a timetable of my “ideal idle day”. I admit, things don’t always work out this well, but I try and use for this template. You may be surprised by how many hours “work” I actually do. This is partially because the current times require it and partially because I enjoy it! (as Confucius once said “Choose a job you love and you will have to work again”). I am always looking at reducing the amount of hours I work, ideally I would like to work like mad before lunch and take a more leisurely approach to the afternoons, but I don’t ever seem to have got this sorted and still tend to work longer hours than I would really like.

I wake up early nowadays, around 6 o’clock, I was never very good at getting up early and for most of my teens and twenties I would lie in for as long as possible and drag myself out of bed, under umbrage, at the very last minute. As I have gotten older, I have found it easier (and more enjoyable) to wake up early.

I have cup of tea and then walk the dogs. I use the walk as a time to be mindful and contemplate the day ahead.

After breakfast I will check my emails and write a short list of my three most important tasks (MIT’s), and any important chores and emails I need to do that day (I used to scrawl these on reams of A4 paper, but now I use the beautiful and brilliant moleskine notebooks – which also has an iphone app for when I can’t get to my notebook!) . Then I will meditate for 25 minutes or so. I know many meditation guides will tell you to sit when you very first wake up, but I am not very good first thing in the morning, my mind is often spinning and having two energetic dogs, once I am awake they are pestering to go out. Not the best atmosphere to sit in! I find once I have walked, had breakfast and and sorted out my day, then I can sit undisturbed and get the best out of my practice.

I will do an hour or so of work. I work very intuitively. I know many productivity guides tell you to work on your Most Important Tasks first. That doesn’t really suit me and I will do what seems most appropriate at the time, whether that is clearing my emails, writing some stuff or doing some admin. If I have to pop out I will normally do this now and  get it out of the way.

Around mid morning I will usually do some exercise, whether that is some bodyweight work, a run, Tai Chi or Yoga etc. I don’t really have a work out plan and again work intuitively about what I am in the mood to do. I keep detailed records, so I know how I am getting on and will check back before I start, which will often help me decide what to do. I enjoy exercise, I use it as a form of mindfulness or contemplation and find that, in the longer term, it give me more energy and makes me feel more alive.

Then it is snack time before I return to work until lunch. In the afternoon, depending on how I have gotten on, I will maybe read, research or sort notes for longer term projects or do some chores around the house. Around mid afternoon I walk the dogs again, then it is downhill until the end of the “working” day…

After spending years working every hour of the day and weekend, I make the effort to finish work no later than 5 o’clock. I usually wrap up before then and then sit again for 25 minutes. I do a variety of different meditations from a variety of different styles, but most often than not I will do a simple mindfulness exercise, counting my breaths (for more details see my eGuide to meditation here).

Days don’t always pan out this way!  Things will often crop up that interrupt this timetable and some days my day won’t resemble this at all. When I am away training, or I have clients, or teaching Tai Chi I usually just make things up as I go along, squeezing in meditation, exercise and reading where I can. I find, although a timetable works very well for me when I am at home with nothing booked in, when I am away working, I have to just be intuitive and do what I can when the opportunity arises.

Matt

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