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New Year Re-Slow-lutions: Direction Not Goal

Written by on January 13, 2012

Hello and welcome to 2012. It is that time of year again where people tend to start thinking about ways they want to change their lives and setting themselves goals they want to achieve.

There are problems with this goal setting (and striving to achieve them) approach.

Most peoples goals are very poorly defined and are some vague desire in some unspecified time in the future.

With goal setting you tend to only focus on the result and ignore the process of getting there. You are focused on the future rather than the present moment. Missing all the amazing things that are going on around you.

If you don’t succeed in your goal (even if you get damn close), you have that terrible sense failure which you try and compensate for by returning to quick fixes and instant gratification.

If you do achieve a goal, you have no idea what do to next, so any gains are often short lived. It is why so many people who aim to lose a certain amount of weight pile it back on again once they get there.

It is much more likely you will get the life you want if you abandon the goal setting and achieving concept and aim for focusing you life in a particular direction.

What’s the Difference Between Goal and Direction?

The difference between direction and goals is the way you describe what you want to do. For example, wanting to lose weight is goal, wanting a fit and healthy lifestyle is a direction (that will probably mean  that you achieve the goal of weight loss).

So, when you think of the changes you want to make in your life, ask yourself “How will my life be better when I have achieved this goal/result?”, define to yourself what you lifestyle will be like and then focus on that. (it may include some goals along the way, but they are secondary to the direction and act more as “mile markers” along the way).

Remember life is a journey NOT a destination.

Categories: The Journey - Tags: , , ,

A Seasonal Thought

Written by on December 22, 2011

There is an irony at this time of year. Everyone talks about the “season of goodwill” but other than making a few (forced) false platitudes, sending Christmas cards and gifts (often because they think they should, or because of some selfish reason to be seen to be being generous) most people become (much more) self centred and self absorbed. This reflects in the outward behaviours of being rude, ill tempered and impatient. People push and shove and barge and harangue to get done what they think they should get done (normally, overspending on food and drink that will most probably be dumped uneaten in the New Year and just lead to increased debt).

As I watch people push and shove and rush around not getting anywhere, the thing I always think is that if everyone were just a little more compassionate, mindful and polite to each other and actually embraced the spirit of this time of year, everyone would actually get everything done much more quickly and with less stress. It is our selfish desire to get everything done quickly that stops us from actually getting it done quickly.

Slow down, go faster.

See you in 2012.

Categories: The Journey - Tags: , ,

One Minute Meditation

Written by on November 22, 2011

Even if you have have a regular meditation practice (and if you don’t, I highly recommend that you cultivate one), you will find at times, in the hustle and bustle of life, yourself being swept away, distracted, harassed and flustered.

At times like this I have developed a “one minute meditation” (although, in reality it can be anything from 10 seconds to five minutes or more depending on time available and your needs), to ground myself back in the present moment and stop being swept away by it.

It is the psychic equivalent of “switching it off and switching back on again” that you do with your PC when it gets all clogged up and grinds to a halt or develops glitches.

Here it is in simple steps for you to follow if you find yourself being swept away:

(Read through it and practice it a few times when you have some time to focus and concentrate on it, before you do it out in the “real world”)

1. Stand or sit up straight, imagine a thread running from the crown of your head, holding you up like a marionette.

2. Scan your body for any areas of tension, and consciously relax them, if you want wiggle and shake out the areas, shrug your shoulders, etc. Pay particularly attention to your jaw and shoulders. This is where we tend to hold most tension.

3. If standing, soften your knees, so they are not locked. If sat in a chair, move forward so your back is not supported. Roll your hips forward slightly so that you have a slight, natural arch in your lower back.

4. Move your focus of attention to your centre (approximately your belly button), and sink into your hips. Rock your hips back and forth if you need to balance them.

5. Move the place you are watching the world from to the centre of your brain, away from your forebrain where all the chatter goes on. Look through your eyes as if you are looking out of windows.

6. Take a full breath, imagining you are breathing in and out through your centre. As you breath out make the effort to breath out any lingering tension in your body.

7. If appropriate and useful, as you breath in focus on a word or image that illustrates, to you, the mental and emotional state you want to be in at this moment in time. It could be simply “Grace”, or “Calm”, or a more vivid and complex image.

Warning: This can be quite a powerful process if you do it right and it is not uncommon for people to feel a little “odd” and dizzy when they get it right, so I suggest, for the first few times at least, that you are sitting down.

Categories: The Knowledge - Tags: , , ,

The Enoughpreneur – Slow and the Art of Running a Business

Written by on September 21, 2011

For some time I have struggled with a contradiction that I have had in my mind. I agree strongly with private enterprise, with people setting up their own business and the freedom and responsibility that creates (I think these small “cottage industries” are very “Slow”).

However, I dislike large corporate enterprise (in general, there are a few exceptions) and the lazy, wasteful, arrogant and insulting way they carry on their business. Let me give you an example of the contradiction, in Malta each local bus route was run by an individual driver, he would pay a licence for a route and supply his own bus, this created a marvellous multitude of buses in crazy and brilliant designs. Now the government for some reason (I imagine financial) has given the contract for ALL the bus routes to Arriva, not only putting all the bus drivers out of work or forcing them into the employment of Arriva, but creating a dull homogeny of buses that are (I have been informed) of worse value and service than before. How is that better?

But of course, in my original belief that I like private enterprise, I could not fault the man who, through hard work and offering better service, manages to purchase two bus routes, then employs a man to drive the second route for him. If he then bought another and another, how  does that make him any different to Arriva and their big operation?

Then it struck me, it is about knowing when to stop, when you have enough, when growing your business won’t actually give any more benefit to you, your employees (if you have any) and your customers, beyond the profit motive.

There is, in fact, a model in business and management theory (I used to be a management accountant) called Greiner’s Lifecycle Model that addresses this. It states that, in order to grow, an organisation passes through a series of identifiable phases or stages of development and crisis. Step one, or the first crisis, is “crisis of leadership” where the enterprising persons business grows to the stage where they cannot do everything themselves and they need help. This tends to correspond to the business owner having to take a step back from the day to day work and take on a more management role. So for an example, a carpenter who gets so much work needs to employ another carpenter, he (or she, I am using “he” here for simplicity not to suggest all carpenters are male!) then delegates some work to this other carpenter. As the business grows more, he has to delegate more and more and therefore ends up in a role far removed from what he was originally doing (and the reason he started the business in the first place). This may lead to “success” in the financial or traditional capitalist model, but is the carpenter happy doing paperwork? Probably not!

(If you are a management theories I know you will recognise this is a simplification of the model, but I have done so to illustrate the point of this post. It is not meant to be a discussion on the model, which would be a post in itself!)

So I now propose a new, alternative business model or category called the “Enoughpreneur”.

Why Enoughpreneur?

The title is inspired by John Naish’s excellent book “Enough” where he posits that the secret of (material) contentment is to earn close to or just above the average earning level of your country and to avoid the desire for more and social competition (for more detail on that, read Alain De Botton’s equally excellent “Status Anxiety”). I admit, avoiding or undoing your desire for social competition is in fact the hard part (but quite simple once you have a plan).

The metaphor or story that illustrates this model and the contradiction of the old idea of a successful business can be seen in this post about the business and the fisherman.

It is easy to get carried away, get over excited and seduced by the “success” of building a big business. The skill really is to recognise when to stop, when your business is successful enough (financially) to fulfil all your needs and desires. Do you need that second bus route? That other carpenter? Will it really enhance your life?

The example of Enoughpreneurship I am most aware of is Charles Martell and Son at Laurel Farm who make the Stinking Bishop Cheese. The cheese was brought to international attention by a brief but important role in the Oscar-winning film Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, in which it was used to revive Wallace from the dead. Demand for the cheese subsequently rose by 500%. Charles Martell was offered £1000’s to increase supply, but he refused. He made enough to keep him happy. He was not seduce by more. As he said “I’m quite happy with what I’ve got at the moment. I don’t need more money. I can only wear one suit at a time, or drive one car. And I certainly don’t want fame.”

Are you an Enoughpreneur? I would love to hear from you, please email me your case study and I can run it in a future post.

Matt

Categories: The Journey - Tags: , , , , ,

Simple Ways to Slow Down Daily

Written by on September 7, 2011

Slowing down shouldn’t be a chore, it should be simple, easy, fun and rewarding. If it is a hassle, you are doing it wrong.

If it is a hassle, you won’t stick to it.

So here are a few simple ways that you can slow down in a day. You don’t need to do all of them at once (if you do, there is a good chance you will be overwhelmed and that is not the result we are after here).

When you very first wake up, take a few moments to become aware of your breathing, and aware of your body, run  a check to see any areas of tension and consciously relax them.

Then spend a few moment thinking of things you are grateful for, that you already have in your life.

Then think of what you want to achieve today and how you would like the day to go and how you would like to be.

(I would like to state, for the record, that I am certainly not a morning person and although I tend to wake early, I am usually grumpy and disorientated for some time, by doing the above 3 processes I find I get out of that fug much more quickly).

When washing and showering, be mindful of the water, of the sensations, the smells, etc, of the process you are doing.

When eating breakfast (and all meals today), sit down, don’t gobble it down whilst trying to pack you bag for work/school/college/etc. Take smaller bites, chew much more than you think you should and be mindful of the tastes, textures and sensations (as well as emotions and thoughts – but don’t get hung up on them) you have.

When commuting to work, run a commentary in your head of what you can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. Be polite to fellow commuters, let a car out of a side road, offer your seat to someone, hold the door open.

Be polite and well mannered, say “please” and “thank you”, take the time to connect with people and show a genuine interest in them.

If you can, go for a stroll, not to get somewhere, just for the sake of it. Look around and run the commentary in your head. See what you notice and how it makes you feel.

Do this 10 second relaxer whenever you find your mind has wandered or that you are getting flustered or frustrated:

  • Step back (either physically or mentally) from what you are doing.
  • Be in your body and focus on your centre (roughly your belly button).
  • Check your posture, stand or sit up straight.
  • Take a deep breath in (imagine your are breathing in through your belly button).
  • Breathe out and focus on relaxing on any tension in your muscles.
  • Mentally state the outcome that you want.
  • Repeat as necessary.
  • Carry on.

As a final note, some days are just rubbish and no matter what you do things seem to go against you. If that is the case, don’t fight it, just let go, walk away (either physically or metaphorically) and start again tomorrow.

Categories: The Knowledge - Tags: , , ,

Compassionate Misanthropy

Written by on August 9, 2011

I have, over the last few posts, been discussing the often overlooked key to a slow and happy life and that is compassion; caring for the well being of other people (and animals, plants, and everything really), to recognise that we are all interconnected.

In Alain De Botton’s excellent book “Status Anxiety” he discusses the stress and anxiety caused by worrying about what other people think of you. He offers several ways of undoing or alleviating this stress, one of them is to adopt a misanthropic attitude.

You recognise that other peoples opinions, viewpoints and conclusions are often based on limited or incorrect information and that those opinions mean nothing at all. You recognise people as the small minded and self centred beings that they often are and choose to ignore their ignorant opinions.

This may sound harsh but is, in fact, in a world where opinion is rampant and people cannot wait to express theirs (usually through the perceived safety of the internet), a sensible attitude to adopt. Otherwise you will quickly be driven crazy by people telling you that you are wrong or suggesting different ways of doing things.

Particularly if you are doing something that goes against the grain, the perceived norm (like slowing down for example!).

But how does this fit with the notion of compassion? Can you be compassionate and misanthropic? Of course you can! And I would even go as far as suggesting that a slight misanthropic viewpoint can help you become more compassion, patient and understanding.

Therefore I have recently adopted a position of “compassionate misanthropy”, which can be summed up as such:

“People are stupid. And I include myself in that generalisation”

By accepting this as a presupposition it does several positive things:

  1. It stops you from worrying about what other people think.
  2. It makes you less likely to judge as you recognise that you are just as stupid, ill informed and prone to leaping to incorrect conclusions as the next person.
  3. It makes you more patient and understanding (as your expectations of how people should act are lower).

How can you begin to be more compassionately misanthropic today?

Matt

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Categories: The Journey - Tags: , , ,

The Deck Chair Diaries Part 6

Written by on July 12, 2011

I have been uncharacteristically busy for an Idler.

I jest of course, I have been very busy running NLP training courses for the last six months. I don’t see it as “work” as I enjoy doing it. It is true however, that the NLP field has changed a lot in the last few years (some good, some bad) and I have been making changes to reflect this.

But now I have come to July, which, training wise, is traditionally my quiet time, but as fate would have it I have been struck down with the dreaded lergy. I have had a cold now for nearly two weeks. I haven’t been this ill for years. It began as a nice excuse to lie on the sofa watching Kung Fu movies (if I cannot practice Tai Chi, I will watch other people doing it), but now is just becoming frustrating.

In fact, through the fug of this cold and the constantly changing weather (boiling hot and sunny one day, raining heavily and freezing cold the next) I have no sense of time or place. Sure I can look at the calendar, I KNOW today is the 12th July, but I have no idea of what that means! It could be the depths of winter, spring, summer or autumn, I have no clue! It is oddly disorientating and a bit scary. It is midsummer and I am still looking out of the kitchen window at the mess of the garden thinking  that I must do something about cleaning it up “before summer comes”.

All of which seems far too much like hard work (which is silly, our garden is tiny and it would only be a couple of hours work – and pottering should be one of life’s joys), which shows the level of lethargy and exhaustion I have managed to achieve…

On cheerier news, I recently travelled to Istanbul for a nice little break. The place was amazing, but…

…we wangled an upgrade to business class, so the majority of other travellers in the lounge and on the plane were business travellers. I just couldn’t get over how none of these people seemed to appreciate what they had. They were all so serious and rude and impolite and buried in their work. They are given all these extra little luxuries and they just took them for granted (or were so preoccupied or frazzled that they didn’t even notice). I like a bit of luxury, I appreciate every second of it, yet these suits just didn’t even notice, it was utterly wasted on them. I can see how these people (and movie stars and pop stars, etc) can become so obnoxious, when they start to think this is “normal” and stop appreciating it and being grateful for it. They should all be forced to work on the checkout in Tesco and live in a one-bedroom flat for at least one month a year. That would make them appreciate it…

I will be back once I have fought of this evil germs, continuing my musings on compassion.

Matt

Categories: The Journey - Tags: , , , ,

Simplify

Written by on June 17, 2011

As a slight interlude to the conversation we are having about compassion I just wanted to let you know about an excellent ebook I have come across recently (I haven’t done a good book review for quite awhile!):

Simplify by Rob Westwood


On the face of it, this ebook appears to be another one of those minimalist tracts, in a similar vain to Ev Bogue or Leo Babauta, but it, for me at least, is much better than that.  Rob even, rather cheekily, suggests in Chapter 27 to avoid such guides, quickly distancing himself form the other productivity/minimalist guru’s out there!

This short but beautifully presented ebook’s goal is to create “ventilation” or gaps in your life as “things are simpler when they are spaced out”. He says you can do this in several ways:

Minimising  Meta-Work. unnecessary levels of work such as meetings or form filling that waste time but don’t actually do anything productive.

Manage Information Flow. Being choosy about what to pay attention to in this flood of information.

Live More Work Less. As most people find themselves “living to work” rather than “working to live”.

These ideas are then explored in more detail in the following 50 short chapters. With advice from the obvious that you never seem to get round to (Chapter 2: Delete Your Emails); to the more profound (Chapter 14: Stop Lying); to the much more difficult (Chapter 17: Stop Competing – easier said than done); to the utterly brilliant (Chapter 43: Get a Big Fat Letterbox!). It embraces the flexibility of the ebook format to give suggested chapters at the end of each section that you can jump directly to by clicking the link.

I am not sure I could go to the extremes that Rob has here, I doubt I could live without my car or mobile phone for example, but like he says “The book is not a set of rigid guidelines. You should pick and choose exactly which pieces of advice are applicable to you.”

A cut above most minimalist guides this has a unique approach and Rob’s voice is conversational and chatty with a seam of absurdist humour. I found it a more fun and original take on the minimalist/productivity scene, and a much easier read, than some of the more preachy tomes out there that tend to just gather up and regurgitate the same old advice.

If you are a fan of simplicity and minimalism I highly recommend it.

You can get it at lulu.com here.

Matt

Categories: The Journey, The Knowledge - Tags: , , , ,

Compassionate Practice

Written by on June 9, 2011

Buddhism has a very powerful meditation called Metta Bhavana or “Development of Compassion” which is an excellent exercise in developing loving kindest or friendship.

Recent studies have suggested that regulate Metta practice can have positive effects on both your physical health and your mental well being.

How To Do It

There are six stages to the traditional Metta Bhavana, spend a few minutes on each stage, in order. To help you keep time you can use a stopwatch, countdown timer, or fancy meditation app for your smartphone.

To learn more about the basics of meditation, read my ebook here.

1 .Yourself

You cannot have compassion for everyone else without having compassion for yourself. If you are full of self loathing you cannot help but to project that outwards. To be be truly compassionate you must accept yourself fully.

2. A Good Friend

Think of a good friend, imagine those feeling of friendship you have towards them, focus on sending them your loving kindest and compassion.

3. A “Neutral” Person

Take someone who you don’t really have any feelings for, a neutral person, and project those feelings of loving kindest onto them.

4. A Difficult Person

This is where you may waiver! Think of someone you personally know who you do not like, notice where those thoughts and feelings come from and what memories come to mind. Now imagine that person as a friend, project those same feelings towards them, notice how your feelings towards this person slowly changes.

5. All Four of the Above Equally

Focus on all four people and feeling that loving kindest equally for each one, so one has no more feeling of compassion towards one than the other.

6. And Then Gradually The Entire Universe

Expand this feeling of compassion to all the people on our planet, all living things and as far out into the universe as you can imagine. See yourself as part of an intricate and complex system, not an individual but interconnected.

Remember, don’t leave this feeling on the meditation mat! That is just practice for being compassionate in the real world!

Matt

Categories: The Knowledge - Tags: ,

Compassion: The Second Keystone of a Tortoise Mind

Written by on June 3, 2011

Compassion is not very fashionable nowadays. Our hare-brained society rewards and favours (and even deifies on some occasions) the rude, the aggressive and the self centred.

Hare-brained people hide behind terms like “assertiveness” or “honesty” or “just telling it how it is”, when they are simply being rude, judgemental and self centred. They mock people who try be nice, who think the best of people, calling them “drips” or “saps”, they think acts of compassion are acts of “weakness”.

They are wrong.

Compassion, simply, is recognising that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available to them. No matter how seemingly stupid, rude or just plain wrong those actions appear.

Compassion isn’t about going round hugging everyone, agreeing with everyone or being an utter pushover. It isn’t about naively trusting people or not thinking things through and assessing situations critically.

Nor is about accepting or condoning bad, or illegal behaviour, of course you can (and should) condemn  atrocious acts.

You can also be utterly antisocial and still be compassionate.

It is about recognising we are all interconnected and our actions have ramifications we may never be aware of. It is about seeing ourselves in other people, about understanding that we are more similar than we are different. We have all made stupid choices and rash decisions and snap judgments.

Above all it is about forgiveness.

Compassion is a key tenant of the tortoise mind. Compassion comes from and helps you be slower and more mindful, better mannered, more patient and understanding. Offer to help, say “please” and “thank you”, don’t be quick to judge or snap at someone doing something you think is wrong, take a genuine interest in someones life. These are all acts of compassion.

Anger at other people is the anger with your self projected outwards. If you were at peace with yourself, accept yourself fully and completely, warts and all you would act more compassionately naturally.

Think about how different you have acted when you have been in a good mood rather than a bad mood. What was the difference in your tolerance and understanding?

This is why practicing compassion always starts with being compassionate to yourself. If you cannot be compassionate to yourself, how can you be compassionate to people around you? See yourself as someone who truly loves and accepts you. Can’t think of anyone? Imagine someone!

Like all things, compassion is it’s own reward, by being more compassionate and tolerant you will be less stressed, angry and worked up, you will feel calmer and who know how you will affect the world around you?

Do a random act of compassion today, even it is as little as saying an earnest “thank you” to someone or giving your loose change to charity…

Matt

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